The Blair Witch movie was all about the hype. The fact that it was made to look like true found footage of terrified campers, and that the real threat was never shown, made it a brief cultural phenomenon that everyone was talking about. So what did they do for a big followup? They made a movie that used the hype as a starting point. Yes, in a weird self-referential decision, the movie is based on a group of young people that loved the first movie so much that they decided to go check out the real thing for themselves. Of course, things didn't go well. Things didn’t go well at the box office, either. The oddest decision may have been to shoot the movie normally, with no attempt to recapture the guerilla home video style that made the first one unique. When your movie became popular because of a gimmick like having the camera shake around, it’s probably not a good idea to completely strip that gimmick from the sequel. That’s like telling Larry the Cable Guy he can’t say “Git-r-dun” in his movies.

If Caddyshack is the movie that made golf cool, then Caddyshack II is definitely the movie that made it lame again. The first is filed with so many great scenes and performances by Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, Ted Knight and Rodney Dangerfield that it easily earns its place in the annals of history as one of the most memorable comedies of the generation. Caddyshack II, on the other hand, will probably be remembered as the point in history where Chevy Chase decided he liked money a whole lot more than being in good movies and started to kill his own career. He was the only returning cast member in a script that was obviously written with Dangerfield and Murray in mind. Jackie Mason and Dan Akroyd filled in their slots with strikingly similar (but obviously less funny) characters. I wish I had started a theory at some point that Jackie Mason is a poor man’s Rodney Dangerfield, because boy would I be able to use this as proof.

Ocean’s 11 was a great movie. It managed to bring an all-star cast together to make a superb heist film that was fun and engaging. Then they decided to make a sequel that sucked all the joy out of it. Part of the charm of the movie was that it was a love letter of sorts to Las Vegas, showing off how such a depraved and dirty place can be so special and has so much history. So let’s throw that setting out the window! This time Danny Ocean is going abroad! And competing with some French guy to steal jewels? Though the worst part of the movie comes when they must sneak into a museum to steal some boring artifact, and in order to fool people into letting her in, Julia Roberts’s character Tess agrees to play Julia Roberts because she looks just like her. Why don’t you just wink at the camera next time? Luckily they made Ocean’s 13, or, as they briefly considered calling it, The One we Should Have Made Last Time.

When I think back to movies I loved as a kid, Sandlot is on the top of the list. Everything seemed so relatable and real — even having Darth Vader as a neighbor. And the great thing was that even though it was set in an earlier era, kids from any time could appreciate it. Well apparently the makers of Sandlot 2 didn’t think so, because they made a sequel that is essentially nothing more than a modernizing of the original. Oops, sorry, there are actually some key creative differences. Like the fact that it is a model rocket that goes over the fence and not a signed baseball. And, well, I’m sure some other things. They did even get another fat kid with curly red hair though, so I’m sure there must be a fake drowning/ make out scene stuck in there too. Can’t Hollywood just leave our childhood classics alone?

The fact that the concept for Weekend at Bernie’s even managed to carry one movie was impressive, so it’s no surprise that a sequel collapsed while trying to maintain an idea fit for a comedy sketch. Sure, pretending a dead body is hilarious (we’ve all done it), but it doesn’t really lend itself to new and exciting stories. That’s why, this time around, instead of just treating Bernie as some sort of limp mannequin, the guys hire a “Voodoo Queen” to bring Bernie back to the dead to lead them to hidden money. Unfortunately, the spell goes awry and Bernie only becomes reanimated when music is playing. Surprisingly, this movie did not sweep the Oscars. It was a real shocker.

Much like the Blair Witch, Open Water caught attention because of a gimmick. A movie of two people just floating in the water for two hours had never been made, so people were curious. Along with public speaking and strangulation by scarf, it’s a fear that we all share. Now, I know that you’re thinking: the first movie already featured two people floating in shark-infested water with no hope of rescue, aside from a sea serpent, so what could they possibly add to this movie to make it different? I’ll tell you what: a baby! Realizing that everything is more dramatic when a baby’s well-being is involved, this movie features a couple that fell off their boat that has their baby on board (sadly, it doesn’t have one of those yellow signs). This time, when they splash around and try not to be eaten, they can also cry about their baby.

Alfred Hitchcock made a lot of timeless films, but The Birds definitely has a special place in his filmography. It helped to give birth to a whole new genre, without which we would never have such cinematic masterpieces as Frogs or Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead. However, in 1994 some genius decided it was worth soiling the legacy of a 30-year-old classic horror film so that he could make his own made-for-TV sequel. Was it worth it? “Made-for-TV” might be the hint that no, it most definitely was not.

This may be a strange one to be upset about, because it’s not as if someone is exploiting great, timeless cinematic work of a misunderstood artist. However, the problem with Dumb and Dumberer is this: Dumb and Dumber is funny, and this box office bomb definitely is not. Dumb and Dumber worked perfectly as a stupid comedy with no back-story. There was no need to know how Harry and Lloyd met or what they were like as teenagers. All we needed to know was that they were two idiots that didn’t have any other friends. Dumb and Dumberer tries to fill in these blanks and ends up just taking away from what made the original hilarious by sucking so badly. Between this, Son of the Mask and the upcoming Ace Ventura Jr., it’s as if Hollywood has a vendetta to tag something horrible onto all of Jim Carrey’s good movies. Why not do a sequel to Earth Girls Are Easy? No one would get upset about that.

The original trilogy is not perfect, but at least they all felt like Indiana Jones movies. When Indy and his dad rode into the sunset at the end of The Last Crusade, it felt like the perfect ending to the franchise. Of course, this is “can’t leave it alone” Spielberg and Lucas we’re talking about, so a sequel was inevitable. I swear, one of these days Lucas is going to reverse the trend by making an awesome Howard the Duck sequel, but until then we're stuck with Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Instead of dealing with real history and religion, this one centers on aliens. Instead of Indy being charming and resilient, he's old and grumpy. Basically, most of the key features that make an Indiana Jones movie are replaced with terrible CGI and Shia LaBoeuf swinging through trees with monkeys. There were a few moments when the old Indy fun was back, but they were rendered painful by how horrible everything else was. Like when they give pudding to the people in an old folks home and have a brief moment of pudding-flavored joy. Except that Harrison Ford is actually older than them.

The Blues Brothers is probably the greatest all-around movie that ever evolved out of Saturday Night Live. As Jake and Elwood Blues, John Belushi and Dan Akroyd reach near comic perfection by being astoundingly dry and subdued while all matter of over-the-top mayhem goes on around them. And by filling the cast with talented superstar singers and musicians, they ensured that it was an actual enjoyable musical as well. However, after 18 years, for God knows what reason, Dan Akroyd decided to revive his character and make a sequel. I guess he was tired of having his Ghostbusters sequels rejected and decided to go for his other famous creation. The result is Blues Brothers 2000, a train wreck of a film that replaces John Belushi with John Goodman and inexplicably adds an adolescent boy to the band. You’re lucky all that paranormal stuff you believe in isn’t actually real, Akroyd, otherwise the ghost of John Belushi would be haunting you for the rest of your life. Deservedly.